What forms of negative energy are around you?

Hmmmm.  I think whatever negativity I have around me is self-made.  I don't need to do this, why do I?  I like the paradigm I've been reading about in An Unteathered Soul by Michael Singer.  He talks about energy blocks in our heart or soul.  We have the ability to release those blocks and let the energy flow -- I love that imagery.  The blocks, I think, if you peel away the onion, all originate from Fear.  And Fear is afraid of itself, wants to hold on to itself for protection if that makes any sense. 

Letting the fear go brings freedom.  Seems so simple. 

Regarding holding on to the fear, I think of Bob Newhart's psychologist, imparting 3 expensive words of wisdom:  "Stop Doing That!"

Is your living space welcoming to you and to guests in your home?

Well, yes, essentially, I think it is now.  I have only lived here for three and a half months but I just HAD to get it "set" the way I wanted as soon as I could.  When I open the door to my little apartment now, I get a feeling of peace.  It's a small space.  The front door is IN the living room.  But it's just me. The bedroom is small but I treated myself to a new bed and pure cotton bedcovers that are cheerful and welcoming.  The office/craft room caused me some angst until the piles were tamed and the closet arranged with all the STUFF I have with me.  And I probably have another room's worth of STUFF still at my ex-husband's house.  But it's all okay  for the present moment and that's the moment I'm trying to live in.  I've been, as I mentioned, printing pictures for my little baby hall gallery of love.  It comforts me.  I've been figuring out how to LIVE here.  How to have friends over, how to craft or relax--with others and by myself.  I just made a mental list of who has been in this apartment and since I can, I will share:  Dave, Nina, John, Annie, Sue, Emily, Nick, Cam, Brent, Pat, Susan, Theresa, Robin, Mike, Kathy, Julia, Kristen, Donna, Dennis.  I think that covers it.  I AM a social animal by nature.  I just rejoined Netflix so am watching some movies again.  Learning how to live here.  I don't have a regular cleaning schedule yet though.  Up until a year ago, I had a cleaning lady come in every two weeks for 23 years.  That's a hard one to change.  But, I haven't brought myself to spending the money for one here.  It's such a small space and with just me,  you'd think I could handle it.  I would like to get to a point where I don't mind doing it, that it just feels like happy-nesting to dust and vacumn.  I'm not quite there yet.  Still, overall, sitting here in my familiar 1978 old gold chair, I feel pretty centered and at home.  And for that, I'm grateful.

Do you spend a lot of time traveling to and from places? If so, is it worth it?

Commuting is something I haven't had to do for years, thank goodness.  For the last 15 years, my commute has been 8 miles or less.  I've even been able to ride my bike to work.  (I should do that more often, of course, but the important thing is I can!) 

There have been times in my life when I had horrible commutes.  The worst was an hour each way on the ugliest freeway in Los Angeles, the 10, where I endured stop-and-go traffice into and out of a Wilshire Blvd highrise.  I was young, though.  I didn't consider it that awful at the time.  I wouldn't even consider it now. 

I come from Detroit. Cars are not the enemy to me as they are to many. That said, I have sampled traveling by train this last year and found it to be just delightful. Bus too - not so delightful. But I enjoy being able to read or crochet or knit while traveling. Letting someone else drive allows you to slow down, internally somehow. I like that.

Now, I have a new car that sports all the gadgets for my listening pleasure and I actually enjoy long drives.  When I drive to my cabin, 3 hours away, or down to visit my daughter in Santa Barbara (4+ hours), I have a choice of listening to satellite radio, podcasts (of This American Life, my fav), audiobooks, and even regular radio. What luxury!  However, what I find myself doing as often as not is to savor the silence.  Or, more accurately, tune in to the chatter in my head.  It's soothing somehow.  So, yes, it's worth it.

Do You Have Work That Fulfills You?

I'm blessed to be able to answer this with a resounding Yes!  I'm not changing the world but at my church, where I work, I think I'm able to add value enough so that I make the world there a better place.  And people are NICE.  There is laughter.  And I'm appreciated.  And, dare I say it,  I only work 3 days a week.

There is a wonderful blend. 

• The short week has a rhythm.  I do some of the same tasks every week  Being a person who has a high tolerance and even an appreciation for repetition, e.g. I LIKE data entry, this suits me.  I actually make a checklist that looks much the same every week and happily check the boxes.  I am able to complete everything and even leave the email inbox with no scroll bar at the end of the week.
• You never know who is going to walk through the door or call on the phone.  I've come to enjoy this (mostly).  Whether a vendor, a service person, the kids from the community center we share space with or someone who is homeless, looking for a word with the minister, it is rarely dull.
• I get to play with software that is new to me and keeps me interested. Filemaker, Dreamweaver, SoundBooth, PhotoShop, InDesign, and yesterday I even took a dip in Illustrator.  In all of them I know just enough to get by and fullfill my database, web, audio, brochure and room set up needs. I know, some would say I have a wierd sense of fun.  Let 'em.
• The church leadership and membership are people of integrity, with a healthy portion of really smart and fun ones!
• The whole package has a spiritual side that is there for the exploring, if and when I choose.

There is a trade off, of course, as you'd expect:  Wages.

Still, for now, this is working for me well.  Especially during this deep Transition (with a capital T) I'm in right now.   I'm just glad I'm able to swing it, financially. 

What is your position on Capital Punishment?

Here's my position...I'm as apathetic and apolitical as they come.  I just don't know if I have a position on capital punishment, really.  In general, I don't feel like killing someone solves anything.  But in my typical head-in-the-sand happy place, I prefer to stay out of it. 

What if you make a mistake or all the information isn't revealed and you kill someone for something they didn't really do?  Not that I think prisons are much of a solution.  I really don't know enough (or care enough?) to comment on this one.  Like usual in this kind of debate, I'd prefer to stay out of it.  Oh, I already said that.

Telling, isn't it?

Shallow Susan Speaks

Don't think too hard... Go with the first memory that comes to mind: The word is Elephant

Ya know how often people have an animal or icon of something they identify with for some reason?  My (now ex) mother-in-law loves elephants.  She just appreciates them for some reason.  Their wisdom maybe.  Or longevity.  (She has both.)  So there for awhile before people got the message, everyone was buying her gifts that were either little elephants or had images of elephants on them. You get the picture.  It wasn't long before she felt like there were too many elephant representations in her house and had to politely ask everyone to knock it off! 

I've had this experience too.  My first was with bunnies.  I just think they are so darn cute.  I started with a picture on the wall of an artful bunny in the snow, progressed to wood bunnies on the shelf--this was in the early 90's and the cornflower blue phase.  Minature bunnies in, dare I say it, the miniature shelf cabinet on the wall.  A bunny shaped shepards hook outside to hold a plant.  Pretty soon, I was being given an art crystal bunny.  That was pushing it, I knew.  Then we got one of the real things.  Thumper.  Thumper lived in the backyard and that little bugger was the most unsociable, unaffectionate rabbit there ever was.  Still, I did feel bad when something got it.  Ick.  I had to shield Nina from seeing him, laid out, rigamortus set in. And having never lived on a farm of any kind, I wasn't used to this short lifecycle thing.  Picking him up and putting him in the garbage can involved grimaces.  (The idea of burying and having a little memorial was out of the question -- what nice thing could we say about a bunny that only ran away from us?)  End of my bunny phase. 

Quietly I have found myself now attracted to frogs and toads.  But don't anybody buy me any!

What are you in the process of balancing?

Balancing isn't the right word.  I am very aware that my perspective currently is weighted far too heavily in looking backward, reflecting.  It doesn't help that my hobbie is picture-keeping and scrapbooking.  In the name of organizing them, I fondle old pictures of simpler times, when I was clear about my direction and what I was striving for.  If you had asked me then I might not have realized I was clear.  I probably thought I was just a gerbil on a wheel. (and maybe that IS a more accurate description) From here, though, it looks like I had purpose.

So, here I am. Knowing in my head the healthy perspective is to be in the right-this-moment-NOW.  To be looking forward, scanning, reflecting enough to bring into focus where the hell I'm going. (Because we all have to be going somewhere, don't we? )

Still, this morning I scanned more pictures for my hall gallery where I'm hanging images of love to comfort me. The two for this morning were....

 and this one

Awww, they make me smile. 

So, balancing my perspective to be more NOW and forward facing is the name of the game for me currently.  But maybe I needn't try to identify where I'm going.  I could just BE. And, as Maureen says, just let it come up and reveal itself.  Patience. Observe when I'm filling myself with "shoulds", be compassionate and bottom-line, forgive myself  for my imperfections.

Yeah.