Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
"Today was like a shadow. It lurked behind me. It's now gone forever. Why is it that time is such a difficult thing to befriend?" ~ Mary Casey. Describe the shadow of yesterday... what is gone forever?
Oh Gees. Welcome to my world.
The shadow of yesterday is everpresent and all gone, forever. At the same time, it seems. I am acutely aware of this.
The universe brought this prompt to me this morning as a pointed reminder. I need to quit looking back so much of the time and face forward. In my inner world, I spend too much of this thing called time considering and rehashing the past. It is what it is. Now what?
Like most everyone I know, Time also challenges me -- how I choose to "spend" it, what I actually choose to do. Yesterday I renewed my relationship with my on-line To Do list, ToodleDo, by starting the exercise of adding estimated times each task would take and due dates. A difficult and valuable endeavor. Because, of course, there are more things to do than time in the day. It assists me in seeing this clearer so I can further refine the list with the intention of putting my energy into what is important. And allows me to be fully conscious when I actually choose not to.
The shadow of yesterday is everpresent and all gone, forever. At the same time, it seems. I am acutely aware of this.
The universe brought this prompt to me this morning as a pointed reminder. I need to quit looking back so much of the time and face forward. In my inner world, I spend too much of this thing called time considering and rehashing the past. It is what it is. Now what?
Like most everyone I know, Time also challenges me -- how I choose to "spend" it, what I actually choose to do. Yesterday I renewed my relationship with my on-line To Do list, ToodleDo, by starting the exercise of adding estimated times each task would take and due dates. A difficult and valuable endeavor. Because, of course, there are more things to do than time in the day. It assists me in seeing this clearer so I can further refine the list with the intention of putting my energy into what is important. And allows me to be fully conscious when I actually choose not to.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed." ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti. What do you love with all of your heart?
Well, this one is easy.
I believe there is no greater love, no deeper commitment than that of a parent for a child. I love my daughter with all my heart. And my Mother, too, for that matter.
It's hard to quantify such a thing as love but there are countless others I love too; friends and my family of origin and my extended family. My now ex-husband, even my ex-boyfriends. To me, the heart is boundless in it's ability to expand and love others.
Do I love my daughter and mother more than the others?
Perhaps.
Maybe it's a case of how "unconditional" the feeling is. I don't really have a way to test this fortunately because no one on my list of people I love has behaved in any way that would cause me to love them less. I am blessed in that way.
And in so, so many other ways.
I believe there is no greater love, no deeper commitment than that of a parent for a child. I love my daughter with all my heart. And my Mother, too, for that matter.
It's hard to quantify such a thing as love but there are countless others I love too; friends and my family of origin and my extended family. My now ex-husband, even my ex-boyfriends. To me, the heart is boundless in it's ability to expand and love others.
Do I love my daughter and mother more than the others?
Perhaps.
Maybe it's a case of how "unconditional" the feeling is. I don't really have a way to test this fortunately because no one on my list of people I love has behaved in any way that would cause me to love them less. I am blessed in that way.
And in so, so many other ways.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Don't think too hard... go with the first thought or memory that comes to mind: The word is FORTUNE. 10 minutes. Write.
Fortune. I don't have a big connection with this word Have I lost a fortune? I still have a fortune when compared with the world's population. Is it my fortune to live my life as a single person? I am very clear that I'm fortune-ette, whatever my fortune is.
OK, that wasn't really 10 minutes.
OK, that wasn't really 10 minutes.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
"He has drawn back, only in order to have enough room for his leap." ~Friedrich Nietzsche What leap are you preparing to take?
I am thinking about drawing back and preparing. Thinking about it. Wondering where the idea of looking for a new job comes from. Is it just a big fat SHOULD that is based in some kind of unnecessary expectation I have for myself that I make more money? Is it a healthy hunger for more stimulation and challenge? Is it attached to a yearning to own my own home again?
This is predictable. I think about big deciions like this for a long time before I take any action. I know it looks like I don't if you consider my actions over the last year but it harkens back to when I wanted to leave Scriptomatic and when I wanted to leave Ceridian; I seemed to need to churn about it for months before getting the courage up to actually do something.
Here's the chatter:
There are so many benefits of my current job situation. I love going to work, for one. And I love having four day weekends every week. Who wouldn't? I have health care, autonomy, great co-workers, fun software to play with and puzzles to work out. I get plenty of recognition. and there is NO drama or stress. I mean, in so many ways, it's a dream situation.
But the hard reality is that I am shaving ever so slightly off my nest egg to continue. I'm certainly not saving any money. And while I prefer the current spending behavior of making conscious choices about how I spend my money over how it was when there was a plethora of bucks (I appreciate my purchases ever so much more now), still, it brings up some fear about not having enough. Which is pretty unnecessary, considering.
Well, I leave this an unfinished conversation with myself because, well, i have to go to work!
This is predictable. I think about big deciions like this for a long time before I take any action. I know it looks like I don't if you consider my actions over the last year but it harkens back to when I wanted to leave Scriptomatic and when I wanted to leave Ceridian; I seemed to need to churn about it for months before getting the courage up to actually do something.
Here's the chatter:
There are so many benefits of my current job situation. I love going to work, for one. And I love having four day weekends every week. Who wouldn't? I have health care, autonomy, great co-workers, fun software to play with and puzzles to work out. I get plenty of recognition. and there is NO drama or stress. I mean, in so many ways, it's a dream situation.
But the hard reality is that I am shaving ever so slightly off my nest egg to continue. I'm certainly not saving any money. And while I prefer the current spending behavior of making conscious choices about how I spend my money over how it was when there was a plethora of bucks (I appreciate my purchases ever so much more now), still, it brings up some fear about not having enough. Which is pretty unnecessary, considering.
Well, I leave this an unfinished conversation with myself because, well, i have to go to work!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Let us love winter, for it is the spring of genius." ~ Pietro Aretino. What are you discovering this winter season?
One thing I want to say about this is how I am struck, over and over again, when I come upon a bare tree, large usually, with the grey sky behind it. It stops me. I want to try and capture it for some reason. Every winter this happens. I want to try and draw or paint it, all those fine. leafless branches. At least take a fine photograph. The beauty of the simplicity and complexity coexisting, delicately intertwined.
And why don't I? January is such a pure month. Clean. New. Bare. It holds such possibilities and somehow, the feeling of more time. It's not a highly appreciated month but I'm here to say it deserves better.
And why don't I? January is such a pure month. Clean. New. Bare. It holds such possibilities and somehow, the feeling of more time. It's not a highly appreciated month but I'm here to say it deserves better.
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