#2) Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)

Hmmmm.  Principle #2 of the 10 ways to love is a sound one. 

I wonder how I am at it.  I am well aware, intellectually, how crucial it is to effective communication to use "I" statements instead of sentances starting with "You".  People's ears shut off when they are confronted with a You statement.  They feel accused.  Better to diagnose and reveal one's own feeling about the situation at hand than to accuse the other:  "I feel  __________ when you _________". 

I want to do this well.  AND I also want to speak my truth.  Affirmatively, confidently, with no apologies.  I guess that goes with owning my feelings and taking responsibility, even and especially when there is imperfectness.  Messiness. 

In my heart, I think I really get the part about not needing to be the one that "wins".  I hope I am always looking for how all parties can feel validated, heard.  One learning is that I haven't done this well in the past.  I've been told.  (And I heard it :)

I am only beginning to see my pattern for being risk-adverse in communication.  Hesitant to confront conflict.  Paul says that people often refrain from telling their true feelings because, ultimately, they fear the other person walking away in response.  Hmmmm.

So, my self-help lessons out of this one to remind myself:

1. Remember to use I statements 
2. Speak your truth
3. Acknowledge other viewpoints so the other person feels heard

#1) Listen without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)

This Daily Prompt is amazing.  Even though I'm completely sporadic about writing, I read the prompt everyday.  This one stayed with me yesterday (It's from yesterday) and I made a point on a number of occasions during the day to be aware of my behavior and try to be a better listener.  To not interrupt.  It's hard sometimes!  When I know the answer and my urge is to just cut to the chase and blabber on about what I know.  There are all sorts of reasons to want to hurry - there's so much to do, so many items competing for attention, I want to move to the next thing, get it done.  Alas, that is zooming through life instead of experiencing it. If I listen more carefully, I reap the opportunity to learn something new!

I want to be better at this.  It's as much a selfish motivation as anything.  It just feels good because it requires you to be much more in the moment and present to who you are in dialog with. 

A patient listener is one of the qualities I want to live -- especially when I have a partner once again! 

In what way are you embracing or resisting change?

I am so embracing and resisting change at the same time with all the fibers of my being these days.  There are repel and attract feelings so close together that I should be magnetized.
Or something like that.

My new single, alone life has so many facets that scream "Change!"

I've always thought I was a person who welcomed and embraced change.  Right now, not so sure.

There's a luxurious selfishness about my day to day life now that occasionally.... feels barren. 

When I am resisting the changes, I feel fear. Afraid I am being left out, that I won't have enough, mourning what I no longer have, wishing for the familiar, the known.

When I am embracing the changes, I feel free.  I'm exercising new muscles of creativity, making beauty in my space, reaching out to new people, opening my arms and psyche to new or long forgotten practices.  I'm fully recognizing the transformations that come with experiencing pain, sitting with it, and getting to the other side of it.  I am learning the criticalness of and how to speak my truth.

It is so valuable to remind myself like this about the two paths:  Fear or Freedom.

How can you more fully live the life you're meant to live?

It's true, you can operate on auto-pilot and for years, just go through the motions.  I am realizing that I certainly have.  What does it take to move from just existing to truly experiencing life? 

• Slowing down.  For me, right now, this is what I need to do to live more fully.  My tendancy is to troll for what's the next thing to do and often I mistake activity for direction.  Reflection time helps me to garner gratitude, helps me to hear the voices within more clearly, to focus the blur of what is coming up and to deeply consider the roles I play, consciously and unconsciously.  Slowing down is a spiritual practice and I'd put the writing of these Daily Prompts in that category.  (For that, I'm thankful to Shrunny!)  This morning I went out into the moist, cool darkness, found a place with no streetlights and just gazed up at the sky for a long time. Such Sweetness can be found in the everyday moments if I'm just present.
• Acceptance.  This is huge; a continual, lifelong work in progress.  Accepting what has come before because spending any energy fretting is a complete waste.  Learning to learn from it and look forward.  Accepting what is.  Accepting my own and others imperfections.  Really, really letting it go.  Oh, I am trying, trying, doing good work here.  It is Hard sometimes.
• Having purpose.  In whatever way that floats one's boat.  I have purpose right now managing the church auction database, ridiculous as that sounds.  Some day I would hope to have some "higher" purposes but for now, this is the variety I'm working with.
• Connection.  Connecting with others, human -- and canine and feline too I'd say, so enhances life in my book.  Sharing the human condition. Since I moved into this apartment alone, I have stepped up the connecting with others.  I've needed and greatly appreciated the myriad of emotional gifts I've received from doing this.  I am blessed to have a wide variety of friends and loved ones.  Some would say I overdo it.  Ok, fine.  Let them.
• Because in the end, for me, giving love and truly receiving love is the granddaddy of 'em all, most important factor in fully living the life I'm meant to live.  I still have much to learn in this arena but again, it's good work.

I don't kid myself and think I'm going to make any real difference in the grand scheme of things here. I admire those who have that drive and determination.

For me, for now, I'm working on acceptance and it all, me especially, being enough.

Do You Stress Over Money Concerns?

I can't believe it's October.  Whoops, it's the first of the month.  Time to pay rent.  Fork over $1800 for something I don't own. I can't say I've totally let that one go.  It doesn't sit totally right.  But i'll think about that Right after I finish this....  :)

Stress feels like a pretty strong word but it's true, I think about money alot.  More than I used to certainly when there was more than enough to go aroound.  Now I'm all about recalibrating.  Sometimes I welcome this opportunity to be more selective about where my money goes, be more mindful since more choices have to be made.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm fully aware that I am very fortunate and enjoy plenties most of the world only dream of.  Still, I think about it.

I think about it when I consider whether I should look for more of a "real" job in place of this sweet, low paying, low stress, 3 day a week one I have.  More of a money cushion would be appreciated.  If I had a real income, maybe I could manage to buy a little place for myself.  (In addition to, for the first time in this phase of my life, thinking maybe some more structure, a "bigger" job would be engaging, stimulating, and fun)  It's a see-saw kind of thought, to be sure.  Because, honestly, I often respond to that recurring voice with a recurring big, fat, "Naw!  This is tooo nice, the way it is now".  The inner dialogue continues....

I wonder will I  have "enough" for my older years.  It's questionable.