#2) Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)

Hmmmm.  Principle #2 of the 10 ways to love is a sound one. 

I wonder how I am at it.  I am well aware, intellectually, how crucial it is to effective communication to use "I" statements instead of sentances starting with "You".  People's ears shut off when they are confronted with a You statement.  They feel accused.  Better to diagnose and reveal one's own feeling about the situation at hand than to accuse the other:  "I feel  __________ when you _________". 

I want to do this well.  AND I also want to speak my truth.  Affirmatively, confidently, with no apologies.  I guess that goes with owning my feelings and taking responsibility, even and especially when there is imperfectness.  Messiness. 

In my heart, I think I really get the part about not needing to be the one that "wins".  I hope I am always looking for how all parties can feel validated, heard.  One learning is that I haven't done this well in the past.  I've been told.  (And I heard it :)

I am only beginning to see my pattern for being risk-adverse in communication.  Hesitant to confront conflict.  Paul says that people often refrain from telling their true feelings because, ultimately, they fear the other person walking away in response.  Hmmmm.

So, my self-help lessons out of this one to remind myself:

1. Remember to use I statements 
2. Speak your truth
3. Acknowledge other viewpoints so the other person feels heard