No more than ten minutes on this one. Geesh, it catches me up short. At this juncture, I don't see myself mentoring or helping much of anyone. That's sad.
I think I have in the past. People have told me that. I don't know what to say. Except that I guess this isn't the time for me to be doing this. I will again, I'm sure. But right now, I'm the one being helped up. On a daily basis. And actually, I don't know if it's really "up". But for the first time in my life I am crying at some point during the day like 4 or 5 days a week. Really. I used to go months without crying. For years and years I did that. Ten years of anti-depressants on and off. Truth be told, in that small regard, I am finding this is preferable. It feels richer to be in touch with those parts of myself. The place where the sorrow lives. It's genuine (my favorite word).
I certainly don't want to be a pity party, though.
I do little tiny things for certain people these days. Best I can. And for now, that will have to be enough.
Oh, I've been in the teary place a few times, where I've cried every day. And you know, that state of mind sure isn't permanent. It kind of ebbs and flows along with your life, at least for me it does. And the things you do for me as my friend, i.e. support and cheerleading, aren't tiny, by the way. They are huge and they mean alot. Love you.
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